It's Raining! It's Pouring!

I will start out by saying we eat out too much and know it. But now God has spoken and we will change our ways.
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We went out to lunch with a friend of mine on Monday. We went to valentino's buffet. I was on my last plate of food before desert, when I saw a "string". I pulled it some with my fork and it was a hair. It was not MY hair! I told chuck to get the manager. The manager took away the hair, we assume to hold it up to everyone's head, and then came back to give me a gift card. Does he really think I'll be back there again?
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Tuesday, Charlie and I went to have lunch with Chuck at work. A new Mexican place opened up. It's one of those little places that sells like three things for next to nothing and then a bunch of prepackaged snacks. I was eating my burrito when chuck broke something off of where I had just bit. I asked what it was and he said he didn't know. After two more bites he reached over again and then pulled out a foot long black hair! I was so mad! He clarified that he did not make the food. I told him to go get his money back and just get me some of those premade nachos. They gave him his money, free nachos, and the manager came out to apologize. "I will make them all wear hats now for their hair." That's great, but I don't think I'll be back.
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We went to village inn one day for lunch Thursday. I ordered my favorite, my usual. They usually (okay, always!) screw it up although it is the simplest thing ever. I like the tuna fish salad on sour dough bread and please toast the bread...Then to make things less complicated, I wait until they bring the food to tell them I would like a side of pickles and mayo. Our food comes and they got my order right. Chuck and I were so excited. I get the kids settled, then dig in. I thought I had a mouth full of catfood. The tuna really tasted like catfood smells. I told the waitress to just charge me for the fries, the sandwich was nasty, and we didn't have time to reorder something. She asked me to describe it while the people from the tables around us had started to eavesdrop. I told her about it tasting like catfood smells. She wouldn't let it go. But what exactly is wrong with it, she wanted to know; Someone else had complained earlier, too. "For starters, it shouldn't taste like catfood! The end!"
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I went to my therapist on Saturday. He said it would be great if Chuck and I could socialize without Charlie. I told him we were going on a date as soon as I was done there. So we take Charlie to the inlaws and we head over to Fazoli's for dinner and then we were going across the parking lot to play games at Dave and Buster's with our gift cards. We had just taken the first couple bites of our food when I saw something poking out of my salad. I pulled it and out slid a two inch long hair, thin curly hair! Obviously not mine! I was so upset. I told the nice breadstick man to go get a manager. The manager comes and I explain to him that there is hair in my food and before he can even start his stammering, foot to foot shuffle apology that I had seen twice already in one week, I inform him that we would like our money back, all 10.89 of it. Chuck was impressed that I knew the total, but this is also the guy that was pretty impressed there was hair in my food three times in six days. After getting our money and pointing out the hair so the manager could undoubtedly go hold it up against every head, we sat in the car ranting. We both decided that for about the same price we could share a meal at Dave and busters and then play games or maybe play games while we waited for a table because their parking lot was full.
The games were fun.
The table was ready.
Shawn, our server, was very nice.
He recommends the tolapia.
We think it sounds yummy.
Let's eat something different.
Shawn enters the party room again.
I ask a weird question about people wearing hair nets.
He said everyone in the back did...Had too...They even had a program to encourage it!
I thought this sounded great! They have a program! I don't think Fazoli's has a program.
So we order the talapia. We divide it, we eat it, we love it. I get to the middle of mine and it was chewy. Look down and the middle was raw. Chuck tells me his is chewy too and I tell him not to eat it because it's raw. We eat the rice and sauce though, cause I didn't think they were made in the same pan.
When Shawn came back, I informed him that they should cook the fish longer. He got a manager. They took away the raw fish and gave us free desert. They bring out this whole tray and let us pick one out! We fell for it! They looked so appetizing!
It was great, fantastic, and fabulous! Hmmmm! Bananas! Caramel! Bread! Cream fluff! It was divine, really.
I joked with chuck that it was to make the puking more pleasant. I imagined us calling from the separate bathrooms, "Mine tasted like bananas!" and "Mine tasted like caramel!".
So 12 hours pass and I'm not feeling too bad. Then I start burping rotten eggs. It was endless. I was farting rotten eggs out of my mouth. This nastiness was billowing out of the depths of hell and exiting through my mouth! I didn't want to be me!
I was stinking up our apartment. Chuck kept checking charlie's pants.
I thought that was as bad as it was going to get, but within hours of the first burp, I am overcome with nausea and within twelve I am immobilized by cramps.
Well, momentarily immobilized and then running quickly to the bathroom every minute or ten seconds, where I spent the next seven hours and most of today.
Have you ever had food poisoning and a hemorrhoid? It's not something I would recommend.
I went to the doctor and there's not much they can do except for super strength concrete pills and keep me from getting dehydrated. They did recommend something for my butt. They didn't say how much to use, and I really think they should've sent some kind of limit. I think that stuff is an inch think down there! As of today they don't think I need antibiotics.
Stupid Shawn and his tolapia.
Shawn! I want to s-lap-i-ya for feeding me undercooked ta-lap-i-a!
So no more eating out.
God spoke; I heard.
Ohhhhhh....this has taken me way too long with all the 'breaks'.
I think I got all the spelling checked.
That's as good as it gets today!