E is for elephant

I know I'm fat.
All my life, I thought I was fat. I was ashamed and disgusted with myself. My sister Sarah would try to tell me that I was not fat, but she was just being kind. I couldn't fit in her clothes one leg at a time! So I wore baggy clothes and felt like marshmallow man. Then I grew up and really got fat and understood that all those years I had been a fat girl in a good size girl's body.
So why do I see myself as thin now? I know I can't be thin, but I'm amazed when I pick up these huge pairs of pants and they don't fit me. I can't imagine why they wouldn't. If I look in the mirror, I think I look the same as I always have. Maybe a little bigger here or there, but overall the same. But when I go to do things that I used to be able to do, I'm shocked that I can't do them. I tried standing on my head, but couldn't even begin to lift my fat butt off the floor. I'll try to reach under the car seat and either be stopped by my gigantic tummy or when I get out to try a different approach, get stuck between the seat and the dash.
Last Sunday, I was acting out something that had happened in my life with the kids. I was leading them while they were blindfolded. I went to crawl under a table, and I got my big fat butt stuck between the legs. The kids had a great laugh about that, but I wanted to cry. So I laughed, too. I couldn't get it out of my head!
Two days ago, I was filling out a questionnaire to qualify for a sleep study. They wanted to know my BMI (body mass index) I guessed I was about a 33 but used their chart to be sure. When the number came back, I was so upset. 40!!!!!!!!!!!! I went back and saw that I didn't qualify because of that. I prayed there was something wrong with their machine.
Yesterday, I was doing some research for a friend. There was a site that had some useful information for my search and it also had a BMI calculator. I entered my stats. 40 AGAIN!!!!! I looked up what 40 meant.
It's in the worst category. The worst! I'm with the 1000lb man on TV and the 700lb man on Jerry Springer.
I'm an elephant.
aNNa

Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down!

I thought my fight with the food poisoning was over, but of course it wasn't. Life just always wants to give us that little bit more. The concrete pills worked great. After two of those I didn't poop again. Still haven't! They worked a little too great. The evil breeding inside my gut couldn't find its way out anymore, so it turned around and headed back the way it came. Oh, Lord! Throwing up is the most evil thing on earth! I dry heaved and dry heaved and cried and cried and woke chuck up and woke him up again and cried and cried and then vommitted and vommitted and wondered exactly how much rice I had eaten for dinner. I started shaking and sweating from the withdrawals of not keeping my medicine down.
So that morning, Tuesday, I went in to my doctor's office but saw another doctor. He wanted to give it another 24 hours. My mom set him straight by informing him that the course of inaction would land me in the hospital that night or by the very latest, the next morning from the migraine alone, not to mention the dehydration. He agreed and after consulting with colleagues, decided to give me an IV and some antinausea stuff (mine was obviously not working). That would've been great if they could've got an IV! So they gave me a shot in the butt and sent me to the hospital to the infusion unit to get an IV. Those nurses got it right away. I couldn't believe how much better I felt from the fluids and the shot. It was like someone was recharging some battery inside me or infusing me with life. I wished that all the cancer patients that were there could have been cured as easily.
So, I was afraid to eat real food until yesterday when I kinda just ate a lot of junk. I ate nachos and a cookie and a hamburger. I wouldn't recommend the...well...any of them, really. I think I could've eaten more than bagels and potato soup, but maybe should've started next with a scrambled egg or something like that. I'm not puking so it must not be too bad.
Emma is sick now. She started throwing up thursday and had a rash. Mom took her in yesterday and she has strep and scarlet fever! So I'm waiting for all the yummy goodness to be caught by all of us. Emma is starting to feel better, though, and that's what's most important. She was so miserable and I felt so bad for her.
Charlie is into spinning. Charlie loves to spin. He spins and spins until he can't stand up straight or even sit up for that matter. So he spins and spins, falls over, laughs cause he can't get up or if he can get up, tries to see how far he can run before he falls over again. When the dizziness wears off, he spins and spins some more. It's like he's getting high or something. My kid is going to have brain damage, if not from the spinning, from all the falling. Kids aren't the brightest, are they?